Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
