last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
