Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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