When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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