My friends, they love my intelligence
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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