genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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