I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
