Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
