waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
