my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
