Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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