70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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