Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
