saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize