the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
