She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
