No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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