oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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