Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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