I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
