i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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