You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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