Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
