oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
