I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize