Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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