I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
