Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
