I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
