Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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