if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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