so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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