at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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