Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
