The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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