I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
high people should be assigned attendants
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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