Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
