Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
