I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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