I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
