So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
