Are we in a gay sports bar?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
