After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
