Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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