Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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