Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
