I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
