love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
