I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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