everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
