I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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