OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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