I'm so fucking centered right now
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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