that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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