First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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