how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
