the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Randomize