...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
