We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize