wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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