operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
