my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
