you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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