I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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