I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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