her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
